My life is structured around clear, non-negotiable boundaries, especially concerning my work in the adult industry and my personal, "vanilla" life as a committed lesbian in a polyamorous relationship. This article is intended to correct false assumptions and clarify my approach to personal interactions.
Many people who meet me—often through my life partner, Sara—learn about my, and my polycule’s, involvement in the adult industry since 2002. They immediately form a false image, particularly since I am the only one who still maintains adult industry work (virtually) and role-plays a Mistress/Dominatrix in person.
It is crucial to understand:
My in-person role as a Dominatrix and Findomme does not involve escorting or any personal sexual acts. It is strictly consensual, mutually agreed-upon fetish and BDSM play, and I am fully clothed in fetish attire the entire time.
In my "vanilla" life—which is any time you see me in person—I never discuss my business, the adult industry, or my Dominatrix role. My professional and personal worlds are strictly separate.
In my personal life, I am a committed lesbian in a polyamorous relationship with three female partners (Sara, Angie, and Kate). My interest in men or anything that has a penis is a literal zero.
Outside of my business, my general view is one of negativity towards men who approach me with compliments or claims of "just being nice." This perspective is born out of experience:
Recently, an anonymous person who knows me in real life asked a question online that prompted this clarification: Why am I friendly to some people, specifically men or other trans individuals (with a penis), but not the rest?
Their observation is correct, and the reason is a direct reflection of my protective boundaries:
The men, cross-dressers, or trans individuals I am friendly with are those who do not acknowledge my existence in a personal or flirtatious way. They do not like, comment, or compliment me online. They simply ignore me totally.
I know them through my life partner, Sara Mays. They are purely her friends. Because they show literally zero personal interest in me, I like them and encourage Sara to be their friend. Their intentions are clearly and purely focused on her.
As a committed lesbian woman, I do not have, nor do I want, any male friends. My business relationships with men are confined entirely to my professional life and never mix with my vanilla life. My vanilla life is defined by any in-person encounter outside of a pre-vetted, secured appointment.
My strict vetting and business approach—which includes requiring a chaperone until I know a client well—is necessary because of the negative experiences I've had when people ignore or try to cross my boundaries.
My partners (Angie, Kate, and I) are fiercely protective of Sara. She is our soulmate and made unimaginable sacrifices for us before her transition. We view any shift in focus from her to one of us as disingenuous and potentially deceptive, especially as Sara navigates a vulnerable time in her life.
To stay on my good side, including Kate and Angie’s, follow these simple rules:
If we begin to initiate conversation and become friendly, it is because your consistent behavior has earned our trust—not because of how "nice" you are.
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